Kyo is SICK again :'(

i can tell you that i am stupid, ignorant, blind, dumb, sad and worst of all A BAD FAN!! today is april 12 in united states..well..america. it would be 13th in japan...so..the sixth..minus..4.7? YES. 7 days ago, Kyo was singing a solo at a concert and guess what? he could hardly do it. because oh my god, he is sick again with the same thing he had in 2006. Chorditis (?) and somthing that stars with an E that i keep forgetting. short: emflamed vocal cords. hence: Kyo cant sing right now. first, i kept seeing all these "i hope your better soon, Kyo!" comments on his myspace and i, ofcourse freaked out but everytime i tried to look up kyo being sick it would come up as acute acoustic trauma ((which he had back in '01)) and that was frustrating becuase..that was like 8 years ago. i mean NOW! anyway, i founf a knot army myspace and added them and asked if Kyo-sama is sick. they say yes and sent me the link to their blog about it. well, i was on my hpone so i couldnt follow the link so~ with panicing tears in my eyes i ran downstairs to the computer as fast as i could. and yes, i cried. but i am ashamed to say that even though i am very very terrified that he is sick~ a small part of me was enjoying the panicy-ness of it. because you know why? i am 13 so i havnt know DIRU for more than a year, so i never got to exprerience what it was like to be here when Kyo is sick of or somthing happens that is big. i always read about it. but never get to expierience it, well now, i have. (pfft, 7 days later..)hmph, now i feel like Dir en grey is still alive. what am i saying? im crazy, i must be. but i think he is preforming today, oh man, i told him that if he does not feel up to it he shouldnt sing and well will love him no matter what so please take your time. i hope he listens. all fans said that to him. in the show where his voice messed up bad, he said "will you still love me even with this voice? please love me even with this voice." aww, i cried again. thats so sweet. oh yeah, DIRU dream number 5. this one was just Kyo. and they secretly disbanded but them where talking about getting back together (in my dream). i think i dream that because befor i went to sleep last night i was reading stuff about hide and was almost crying when i shut my eyes for sleep becuase i was thinking about when he died and how it was like this big deal and all the fans went....manic. so, yeah my Dir en grey dream was hide inspired. weird.....hmm...i will go now. sorry for the long post, just alot on my mind concering Kyo and hide. but mostly Kyo right now. i love you, sweetie and i hope you feel better soon. take care of yourself <333