dream 1 million

in this dream..im like in freaking montana or something and im at this...old peoples place (not that Kyo is old. ill explain!) and i see this plaque that says like Hakyu (meaning the person in that room, thats thier name..) and im like Oh! so then i think 'if they have one japanese person here..maybe they'll have another ;)' (dont ask, this is a dream remember..) so i ask the little nurse lady and im like "is their someone hear called Nishimura?" and she nods and says he in here *leads my to a mega room* and in the back, Kyo. and for some reason i was holding this pot/pan lid and i HANDED IT TO HIM! I FREAKING HANDED IT TO HIM! LIKE, IDIOT!! but it was his,,so strange. anyway he smiled and sat it beside him. i was expecting myself to collasoe any minute, but i didnt. i said something to him. i forget. and then i was like "why are you here?" he said "its peaceful, for when im not working" and im like "oh *nods*" and then i ask "do many fans find that your here?" kyo~> "just a couple. *smile*" and then...well i forget for a little bit but i do rememeber his shirt was off *swoon* and you could see the scars on his chest *ahh swoon again* and then, well i dont know. sometihng happened but it was too amazing that i dont want to right it on here. i want to keep it locked i my heart! so no one can have it! i want to keep it a secret, so its always mine and clean. ugh. i act like its real. oh but it felt so real! but, while this *secret* was happening, i was thinking '...does he do this with all his fans whole scome see him?' but..it didnt matter. and i was so close! i touched him! his face! oh my god, like obviously. okay, im going to tell you. but im only writing it here so i never forget it! *psht, like i ever would* okay..no im not. but his face.....it was...right there ::blush:: AH! the best dream ever and i still....taste...on my lips..can feel it.....erm....JA! (ooooohhh!!! im not sure i ever want real Kyo to read this anymore!! ah! he's hate me! he'll think im just some obsessed fan! ahhh!!! im NOT like those people he sings about in R To The Core! i wont abandon when they change or when osmething happens! gah! i hope he never hates me! ~~like he'll ever know who i am...i shouldnt flatter myself.) so...ahhhh the best dream....that didnt feel like a dream. IT WAS REAL!! JA NE~~

Bottom of Death Valley

first, i dreampt (?) of Shinya-sama again last night, it was OOC so i didnt mourn to much when i woke. Well, i did wine and try to convince myslf just 5 more minutes of sleep wouldnt hurt but, i didnt wine about my Shin-chan leaving. because, well, he wasnt himself in personality. although, i did have ANOTHER Dir en grey dream last night, it was very very very cute! it was like...wow adorable! it was in a scary house and bad things were happening but have you read a fanfic from when Dir en grey was still VK or at least one thats a few years old? youll notice kyo's character is always like hyper or sleepy and stuff. thats how he was in my dream. kawaii. (sorry kyo)

BOTTOM OF DEATH VALLEY
I've packed up everything I loved in the trunk ofthe car over there putting in the key, I'm goingfor a last drive from the cliff I'll be free...My Sister, Obscene Sister fucked toyed withdrowned My Sister, Lustful Sister if you noticethe white ocean floor My Sister, Mother Is Sistermother loved the white ocean My Sister, Drug Addiction (RI Will Go To The Heaven Playing The Suicide I Will Go To The HellI've left behind everything I loved through thedoor of hope that's down there with my right handI catch hold of hands that won't stop trembling soI won't notice the tears she hides from menow my child and I are packed in together sleepingdown there in the trunk of the car

shinya

another dream. i know i ususally only write on here when i dream about them. i actually have another poem im going to post sometime. but whatever. this is more important. i was in this giant audatoriam thingy and Dir en grey, along with some other band were on the stage. no playing music btw, very strange. Die wasnt there. Kyo was back stage. so they let people come up and meet them 'n stuff and i saw Kaoru first. his hair was about shoulder length and black and purple. just like it used to be. i promise, i didnt go back im time in this dream its just..i dont know what was going on but they all were dress...visual. except kyo. well really, do you guys remember what shinya wore in the Child Prey video when he was on the drums, the black cloak and hoad thingy? yeah well thats what they were all wearing! strange, anyhow yeah so i saw Kaoru first he was happy and saying hi and talking and stuff, he gave me a hug ^^ and then i met Toshiya (remember the bat wings things coming out of his head in Garden PV? yeah..) and he seemed really tired so..um...i just gave his a hug and said i love you. haha, and then i was like "ooo weres Shinya?!?!?!?!!?!?!?! I HAVE TO MEET SHINYA!!" and then i saw him. long redish purplish hair. i walked up to him (i was wearing my gothic lolita shoes= high high heels!) and i almost feel twice! and he kinda laughed but not in a big way and then i give him a hug. and dammit he said something to me but i cant remember! then i said "i thought you didnt wear heels anymore" and dammit i forget what he sais again! but it was like "sometimes.." and then HE GAVE ME A HUG! and then he asked me to go sit down with him so i was like yay yay yay! and we were sittin' 'n talking...though i dont really remember about what. but i was all (in my head) 'i am the true successor of Shinya! i could be shinya!' cuz...idk why, sometimes i remind myself of him but..i was getting carried away. oh well, then i dont freaking know why! but my etartd dream self GOT UP. AND LEFT. wwhhhaaaaaa???? im so mad at myself! anyway so, best dream ever! im so growing my hair ALL the way out now and dyeing it....im not sure yet. but! it'll be shinya-like <3 then i started to have another stupid dream about my grandmaws house catching on fire and my brother and sister being in it. but, they didnt die so cares about that. right? yeah! so, visual kei Dir en grey NOW?! it was strange, i was just wee bit confused but..ehh...theyd do it for the fans eh? i love them no matter what <333

got new hot kyo pics on my phone <3

i had a dream the other night, i was to meet kyo, he shook my hand, but he didnt let go! it was amazing! it was so real! amazing! i had a another dream, with just shinya in it, i remember it was weird. he was just sitting there, looking THROUGH a picture frame, it was infront of him, it was like he was supposed to be the beautiful person in the picture but he was really sad and he he kept moving and almost cried. weird. it may have something to do with the story im working on. shinya is in it and it soo freaking sad! that might be why i saw him crying in my dreams. nothing amazing, uhh i think Kyo's voice is better now, actually i know it is ^^ im about to to Dir en grey website so i can check tours again^^ i WAS stalking their website and myspace's, but i havnt been doing much latley. but i reallt want to see if theyv got new tour dates up (hoping for america!), iv also been thinking "hmm, when will they have a new single?" because you know, this is very exciting for me becuase i wasnt big fan befor UROBOROS came out so i never had luxury to be there when a new single came out. not that i only like uororboros. no no way! it just happened to be after UROBOROS cam out that i really got into them! it doesnt seem like a long time, but i love them and their my life <333 sayonara~

everynight

rather, every saturday. when i come to lesleys house, i have to squeeze in enough Dir en grey songs and clips and fanvideos' to get me through the week. my computer doesnt have sound. i dont know why. it is a stupid comuter. also, i have to listen to as many X Japan or hide songs as i can to actually say im a fan and not be fake (i hate fake fans, just like the band or person for the hype or populatrity, i however really want to know why people love hen so much). i am a fan of X Japan. i just a new fan and i started with reading about hide's life, and what atracted (?) was the death, how people can love him that much. i want to know why and i want to love him too! i already explained this. so far Tears made me cry and the begining of Endless Rain "im walking in the rain" ..toshi was speakin english right? i think so, thats whats i heard..i will feel stupid if i find out he wasnt and im just bad hearing. i will blame my awful habit of mixing up japanese and english. kyo. you, kyo. i blame you. i blame you and your songs that have "english version" and "japanese version". hehe, oh! i watched PVor mazohyst of decadence (i love that word..decadence... sounds like decay-dance)....i didnt like it, the first Dir en grey video iv seen and not liked. it made me sick. i dont know why. they have blood and nasty things like 85% of the video's but this....i dont know...obscure is about abortion too and it didnt make me sick (more like kiss kyo..even with that stuff coming out of his mouth)..i dont know...i have to go now. bai. i love you Dir en grey and all authors of good fanfics =)

hide

lately, i dont know why but iv been pre-occupied with hide. as in X Japan and that drama and goodness. it suck that i was like 3 at the time of his death. i wish that i could have experienced the whole thing, his career, his fame, his influence, his hilarity, his cuteness, his death..everything. i often wish the same thing about Dir en grey, that i wouldv known them earlier and was older. its 2009 and im 13. when i first got into JRock, Dir en grey's Child Prey PV was the very first thing i saw. and it didnt grow from there for like 3 months. i just kept watching child prey and smile (fanvideo), eventualy i really wanted to get to know them more. Well i did and as soon as i enterd the realm of jrock, i can tell you the first thing i learnt was that X Japan was suppovedly the best band, they were the begining and that hide was dead-therfor the music died. and then came Diru and D'spairs and stuff. So knowing the band was disbanded and the greatist guistarist to date had died, it didnt hold much interst. i didnt grow up in japan. unfortunatly, i live in america. if i lived there, im sure my initial opoions concerning hide would be 10000 times different. but, they wernt and only recently did i look up hide and his death. thats what got me. his death. the reaction of japan, of......it amazed me. how everyone was blown apart by his death. how people were in the streets when the car that had his body in and everyne was yelling "SAYONARA! HIDE! SAYONARA!!" and people fainted. the passion...oh my god. i was speachless and 3 copycat suicides! 3! thats...amazing. i mentioned it to my mom and she said "people are crazy." me: *shocked*"no their not! thats comitment!" i ment thats love. you american reading this might think im crazy, but i bet some crazed girl in japan will read this and know what i mean. so after reading the death, i tried to find things about his life. i read a very short by Yoshiki and his memories of hide. im quickly becoming a fan but i wish i could have been born earlier..and in japan. why america? but anyway, i just wanted to update you on my growing passion for hide. (im very proud that as i read over this i used nice words and none of this looks like broken english. i tried hard. bai bai and rest in peaces, beloved hide.)

Kyo is SICK again :'(

i can tell you that i am stupid, ignorant, blind, dumb, sad and worst of all A BAD FAN!! today is april 12 in united states..well..america. it would be 13th in japan...so..the sixth..minus..4.7? YES. 7 days ago, Kyo was singing a solo at a concert and guess what? he could hardly do it. because oh my god, he is sick again with the same thing he had in 2006. Chorditis (?) and somthing that stars with an E that i keep forgetting. short: emflamed vocal cords. hence: Kyo cant sing right now. first, i kept seeing all these "i hope your better soon, Kyo!" comments on his myspace and i, ofcourse freaked out but everytime i tried to look up kyo being sick it would come up as acute acoustic trauma ((which he had back in '01)) and that was frustrating becuase..that was like 8 years ago. i mean NOW! anyway, i founf a knot army myspace and added them and asked if Kyo-sama is sick. they say yes and sent me the link to their blog about it. well, i was on my hpone so i couldnt follow the link so~ with panicing tears in my eyes i ran downstairs to the computer as fast as i could. and yes, i cried. but i am ashamed to say that even though i am very very terrified that he is sick~ a small part of me was enjoying the panicy-ness of it. because you know why? i am 13 so i havnt know DIRU for more than a year, so i never got to exprerience what it was like to be here when Kyo is sick of or somthing happens that is big. i always read about it. but never get to expierience it, well now, i have. (pfft, 7 days later..)hmph, now i feel like Dir en grey is still alive. what am i saying? im crazy, i must be. but i think he is preforming today, oh man, i told him that if he does not feel up to it he shouldnt sing and well will love him no matter what so please take your time. i hope he listens. all fans said that to him. in the show where his voice messed up bad, he said "will you still love me even with this voice? please love me even with this voice." aww, i cried again. thats so sweet. oh yeah, DIRU dream number 5. this one was just Kyo. and they secretly disbanded but them where talking about getting back together (in my dream). i think i dream that because befor i went to sleep last night i was reading stuff about hide and was almost crying when i shut my eyes for sleep becuase i was thinking about when he died and how it was like this big deal and all the fans went....manic. so, yeah my Dir en grey dream was hide inspired. weird.....hmm...i will go now. sorry for the long post, just alot on my mind concering Kyo and hide. but mostly Kyo right now. i love you, sweetie and i hope you feel better soon. take care of yourself <333