hide

lately, i dont know why but iv been pre-occupied with hide. as in X Japan and that drama and goodness. it suck that i was like 3 at the time of his death. i wish that i could have experienced the whole thing, his career, his fame, his influence, his hilarity, his cuteness, his death..everything. i often wish the same thing about Dir en grey, that i wouldv known them earlier and was older. its 2009 and im 13. when i first got into JRock, Dir en grey's Child Prey PV was the very first thing i saw. and it didnt grow from there for like 3 months. i just kept watching child prey and smile (fanvideo), eventualy i really wanted to get to know them more. Well i did and as soon as i enterd the realm of jrock, i can tell you the first thing i learnt was that X Japan was suppovedly the best band, they were the begining and that hide was dead-therfor the music died. and then came Diru and D'spairs and stuff. So knowing the band was disbanded and the greatist guistarist to date had died, it didnt hold much interst. i didnt grow up in japan. unfortunatly, i live in america. if i lived there, im sure my initial opoions concerning hide would be 10000 times different. but, they wernt and only recently did i look up hide and his death. thats what got me. his death. the reaction of japan, of......it amazed me. how everyone was blown apart by his death. how people were in the streets when the car that had his body in and everyne was yelling "SAYONARA! HIDE! SAYONARA!!" and people fainted. the passion...oh my god. i was speachless and 3 copycat suicides! 3! thats...amazing. i mentioned it to my mom and she said "people are crazy." me: *shocked*"no their not! thats comitment!" i ment thats love. you american reading this might think im crazy, but i bet some crazed girl in japan will read this and know what i mean. so after reading the death, i tried to find things about his life. i read a very short by Yoshiki and his memories of hide. im quickly becoming a fan but i wish i could have been born earlier..and in japan. why america? but anyway, i just wanted to update you on my growing passion for hide. (im very proud that as i read over this i used nice words and none of this looks like broken english. i tried hard. bai bai and rest in peaces, beloved hide.)

Kyo is SICK again :'(

i can tell you that i am stupid, ignorant, blind, dumb, sad and worst of all A BAD FAN!! today is april 12 in united states..well..america. it would be 13th in japan...so..the sixth..minus..4.7? YES. 7 days ago, Kyo was singing a solo at a concert and guess what? he could hardly do it. because oh my god, he is sick again with the same thing he had in 2006. Chorditis (?) and somthing that stars with an E that i keep forgetting. short: emflamed vocal cords. hence: Kyo cant sing right now. first, i kept seeing all these "i hope your better soon, Kyo!" comments on his myspace and i, ofcourse freaked out but everytime i tried to look up kyo being sick it would come up as acute acoustic trauma ((which he had back in '01)) and that was frustrating becuase..that was like 8 years ago. i mean NOW! anyway, i founf a knot army myspace and added them and asked if Kyo-sama is sick. they say yes and sent me the link to their blog about it. well, i was on my hpone so i couldnt follow the link so~ with panicing tears in my eyes i ran downstairs to the computer as fast as i could. and yes, i cried. but i am ashamed to say that even though i am very very terrified that he is sick~ a small part of me was enjoying the panicy-ness of it. because you know why? i am 13 so i havnt know DIRU for more than a year, so i never got to exprerience what it was like to be here when Kyo is sick of or somthing happens that is big. i always read about it. but never get to expierience it, well now, i have. (pfft, 7 days later..)hmph, now i feel like Dir en grey is still alive. what am i saying? im crazy, i must be. but i think he is preforming today, oh man, i told him that if he does not feel up to it he shouldnt sing and well will love him no matter what so please take your time. i hope he listens. all fans said that to him. in the show where his voice messed up bad, he said "will you still love me even with this voice? please love me even with this voice." aww, i cried again. thats so sweet. oh yeah, DIRU dream number 5. this one was just Kyo. and they secretly disbanded but them where talking about getting back together (in my dream). i think i dream that because befor i went to sleep last night i was reading stuff about hide and was almost crying when i shut my eyes for sleep becuase i was thinking about when he died and how it was like this big deal and all the fans went....manic. so, yeah my Dir en grey dream was hide inspired. weird.....hmm...i will go now. sorry for the long post, just alot on my mind concering Kyo and hide. but mostly Kyo right now. i love you, sweetie and i hope you feel better soon. take care of yourself <333

tokidoki

sometimes i go days without looking up anything about Dir en grey. Iv been almost all wek and havnt looked up a single thing (looking at their myspace and Kyos myspace doesnt count!! oh! and neigther do pictures!!) about them. this will count crazy to you, but i do it on purpose. (oh, and listening to Dir en grey CD's doesnt count eigther 0.o) you know why? because i get so excited everytime they are even mentioned i feel like my heart will explode. and im not exagerating. it is so overwhelming sometimes. i love it. but, it sort of scares me that i should be so...passionate that it almost hurts. i dont know. oh yeah, Dir en grey also has this way of making me really depressed. i wish i was them, or one of them. yeah, that makes more sence. and fanfic's to me are like handing a gun to a suicidal person. i need help. but i shant get it!! because i love this screwed up, fake, out-of-reach, fangirl-ish world that i live in! i should name this world something...hmm...well since i named this title tokidoki (incase you do not know, i mean that same as "sometime" in japanese.) i will name it TokiDoki. heehee, toki....my name is Tokki. i never told you incase someone i know see's this and finds out how insane i am. soo...sshhhhh!!!!

number 4

last night marks Dir en grey dream 4. This one only had Kyo in it. It was okay though, he seemed a bit moody, like he didnt want to be there. Im not sure where we were. I think it was a school in New York. strange right? Why would Kyo be in school? Anyway, he was. Everyone secretly thought he was cool. He sat right beside me. We wernt in an actual class room though. Anyway, I do hope these dreams continue. I hope Kyo isnt having such a foul day today as he was in my dream. haha, i hope him the best ^.^

good dreams^^

i want to rite while the images and words exchanged are still fresh in my mind. last night i met Dir en grey. in my dreams. it was so real. there was nothing "dream like" about it. nothing far-fetched happened. nothing wierd. except they all spoke perfect english, save Die-he had an amazing accent. thusrday night i had a drream that i won this thing and met Shinya and Die and i got to talk to them and then i was going to get to go out to dinner with Die, but then i woke up. i remebered it perfectly. Friday night i didnt dream, not that i can recall. Saturday night i dreamed that i met Kyo. this one was WAY far-fetched, the whole dream was willy wonka and the chocolate factory themed. so freaking weird. but kyo touched me, so i will not complain about that one. But last night, Sunday night, i drempt about them all. Especially Die, Kyo and Shinya. I saw a bit of Kaoru and Toshiya but they where doing something els. I usually only remembers nightmares. I wonder if i can live in my dreams? this is the first thing i did when i woke up. i dont like writing dreams down because i can never describe them good enough, then its like what ever i didnt write write down get tossed out of the window and i forget. so, have a good day =))

my hara toshimasa

As you most likely know, tosay is Totchi's birthday. I dont have much time to really post anything because im not aloud to be online school days and they left for a minute, so ill make it quick.

IM BAKING CUPCAKES FOR TOSHIYA TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE YOU, TOTCHI!!
i thought about you all day^^
and i found a possible reason as to why the 2 male only concerts-possibly seeing how many fans they have minus fangirls?
yeah, i found that comment on bleeding-idol.net oh i love that website, oh and livejournal!
find me on LJ!
my username is kyoandsakura its relitivly knew and iv only got chapter one of my fanfic The FINAL kiss. but read it okay?
BYE!! (i love you more verey minute, totchi!!)

fandom

pinkucellphone is my favorite fan thingy on LJ! im not even kidding, i just had to drag myself self away from that page and all thebeautiful fanfics. CATERIS and RHEAKUROKAWA are beatiful writers. RHEAKUROKAWA is my favorite though. she wrote the saddest one about Die. oh my goodness. it made my heart break into pieces, then i read more, and more..and more..the stories are so good!! i remember...when i first became a fan of Dir en grey, oh those days of innocence and meaninglessness haha, i decided to look up kyoxshinya fanfic on google, i found this one story by nekoempress that tears me up wiht jelousy and saddnedd everytime. actually, i lied just now. the forst story was kyoxwaru. i havnt read it since that first time and i tried just now to read it again, but the account has been delted and the author got a different account and wont post the story up..i guess becuase and someone she was writing the story with got into a fight or something. i dont know. but i really miss that story. its 3:08am and i should probably sneak upstairs and try to sleep,,but ya know..i think im just gona keep reading beautiful fanfics untill my heart explodes. i suggest trying to find the one about Die that i mentioned. its by RHEAKUROKAWA-the community its in is pinkucellphone (but nothng will comeup if if you type that, just type any randon DIRU pairing and i garuntee pinkucellphone will be the top of the list) and the story is called In Expectatio. best of luck on not crying.